Asshats and Other Furry Creatures

As anyone who has a cat will know that they are asshats without having being told that.  My cat is a super asshat, most especially in the middle of the night.  Some nights she jumps onto the bed with us and goes into her kneading mode until one of us wakes up and threatens to do her bodily harm, other nights she charges around the place going from window, to door, to window, to door, down stairs, upstairs, and all around, still other nights she hides under the bed and when I get up to go pee will jump out and attack my feet.  Like I said...asshat. 

Then she has the audacity to get sick and lie around looking poorly and make me worried.  I often ask myself how it is that me, Ms. Dog Person, has found herself in the position where a) I actually have a cat, and b) feel emotions towards it.  Life can be strange when you have small furry creatures around you. 

But the good news is that Karson is okay, she was just feeling under the weather from an over consumption of fur.  So all I have to do now is feed her fur ball reducing cat food, fur ball preventing brown goop that smells and looks like shit, and brush her. 

WTF?  Having a cat is a pain in the ass, I'd feed her to the dog but the dog doesn't want her.  I'd throw her in the lake in a gunny sack but then I'd feel all traumatized and cry.  Dam!  Being all empathetic and emotional is taking its toll on my psyche and doing bad things to my reputation as a hard ass.