Monday, January 31, 2011

Snowshoes And Cold Butts

Today is the last day of January for 2011, which means that I will never see January 2011 again.  Yippee!  Losing January means that spring is just that much closer.  Apparently February is winter's last kick at the can around these here parts, which means that four or five weeks from now we should be through the worst of it.  I am so looking forward to that.  I am not a fan of winter.  Call me a disloyal Canuck if you want but I hate all things winter, hockey being right at the top of the list.  But I digress.  Of course when spring is sprung then the mud starts, but I can put up with mud if it means that winter is behind us.  What I am really looking forward to is the longer days of sunshine.  I love sunshine.  Right now I am imagining getting up in the morning to the sound of birds chirping away, loons calling on the lake as the sun rises over the trees while I sit on the deck and drink my pretend coffee (tea).  Ah, paradise.

Today we went snowshoeing in the bush looking for pins of demarcation.  Those are the all important pegs which mark our territory from the enemy's (the neighbour's). We (and when I say we, I really mean my husband because I personally could have gone for years without knowing exactly where they were) had found most of the survey pins during the fall months, but one section of our land has been infected by swamp land on the south east side and neither my hubby nor I were inclined to slog through the mess while it was in the liquid state. Being soaked to the skivvies would have been bad enough but it was the mosquitoes that neither of us were interested in battling with.  I know, you can say it, wusses.  So today there were no mosquitoes it was all snowshoeing and cold asses from the nor'easter blowing down on us. 

So being almost like boy scouts in the preparedness department, along with matches, a dog, hats, gloves and neck warmers we took two different types of tracking devices.  I being slightly old fashioned took a low tech device called a compass, the hubby took the GPS.  Strangely enough the compass kept going even after the batteries gave out on the GPS.  We managed to find a pile of the old trail blazes so we added our own pretty neon pink surveyor's tape. The dog added some poop.  So now whenever we need to patrol the borders we can slog through the bush knowing exactly where we are at all times so we never accidentally set foot on enemy ground.  Of course that won't protect us from those doggy land mines, but hey, you can't have everything.    Because of our diligent work today we will always know where that line of death lies (unless of course there is a lot of beaver activity while we have our backs turned), and believe me, as a long time Canadian I know you can never trust a beaver.  That's one of the first things they teach us in kindergarten up here in the great white north.

Above is a picture of the poopinator.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Beatles - Get Your Masters Here

The other day I was minding my own business, baking muffins and listening to the radio when Jian Ghomeshi came on to say that he would be interviewing a woman who was the very first person in the world to complete her Master's in The Beatles.  So I continued my culinary activities waiting to hear the punchline, about fifteen minutes later the interview took place and much to my astonishment it turns out that there would not be a punchline because it was real.  I snorted in disgust and continued to listen to the conversation while getting more and more irate.  Later, because I have a tendency to question the validity of many things, even something coming from Jian, I googled the Beatles and Masters, and sure enough there were about a half dozen articles praising her distinction.  So I guess that there is now a degree even more useless than Medieval Russian Literature, Religion or Music Therapy. 

My question is, what next?  Will a person be able to get a doctorate in Britney Spears, or Justin Bieber?  Will our children and grandchildren be paying universities their hard earned money (or as in most cases, their parent's hard earned money) to learn all about how to survive on a deserted island with 20 other people, a director, a producer, a camera crew, and a support crew of  100?  Are we about to see an entire wing at Harvard turned into the Studies for Moronic Behaviour on Jersey Shore?  With the world crying for more doctors, scientists, engineers, teachers, nurses, etc, apparently the world's universities are trying to attract students with idiotic degrees like the Beatles.  The question we have to ask ourselves is, why?  Why would anyone in their right mind spend so much time and money to get such useless, idiotic degrees?  Has it really come to this?

My guess would be that people are no longer in "their right minds", this...this idiocy is what the world gets for sticking it's children in front of the big black electronic babysitter for hours on end.  We have created an entire generation of people who think that it is okay to be famous for nothing (Paris Hilton).  It is okay to spend the majority of your time lamenting about the fact that your nail polish no longer matches your crop top (pick anyone off the Bachelorette).  Or that you've only slept with five different people this week and its already Saturday (pick any insipid reality TV star) and you have to hustle your ass in order to get your quota of fucks in before Sunday night rolls around.     

I fear for the survival of our species.

Friday, January 21, 2011

A Snowy Day Out East

Today was a snowy day that added heap big snow to the estates.  Then just as suddenly it became heap big rain.  Snow plowing ensued with the hopes that snow and rain did not equal skating rink. 

We were almost through all the firewood in the house so we decided to move the outside firewood into the inside.  Believe it or not, German Shepherd puppies are not helpful in the least when you try stacking firewood.  In fact, German Shepherd puppies are not helpful at all.  They are good at biting at your pants and ripping holes in them.  They are good at biting your hands and leaving long scratches from their needle sharp teeth.  They are even good at unrolling toilet paper from the roll and chewing it into tiny, soggy bit of white lumpy paper.  So in one way, German Shepherd puppies, are good at making paper the old fashion way. 

(Oh and they are really good at barfing up bits of wood which they chewed while helping you stack wood piles.)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Who'd A Thunk It

Okay so I bought a brand new fridge, the old one is yellow, moldy and prone to opening up at night and staying open.  I needed a new fridge, I paid a shitload and got one, now I have an old one sitting just outside the door.  So now the thought turns to, "How the hell do I get rid of an old fridge?"  Apparently the answer is to look on Kijiji and find a person who is willing to come and pick it up for free and take it away.  "Who'd a thunk it!"

Now not to look a gift horse in the mouth but the next question is, "Why?"  I have a tendency to be very skeptical about free things.  Free could mean any number of things and "cost nothing" isn't really at the top of the definition list.  So I want to know, is there some used fridge place where the guy will get money if he takes it in?  If that is the case then I am okay with it, he is doing me a service and if he is doing it to get money, then great.  What scares me is that it may mean that I will be indebted to him for years to come.  Or he knows that people who buy new fridges at least have enough money to buy a new fridge so he can scope out the joint when he comes to do the "free service". 

I hope I'm not getting paranoid in my old age, that syndrome has a tendency to run in our family, and I'm already married to someone who has gone over to the paranoia dark side.   I hope its more like I am getting more cautious in my old age and consequently safer.  Yeah, I'm going to stick with that. 

Monday, January 17, 2011

Since When Is It Supposed To Be Winter Here?

Okay so this is kind of ridiculous, the reason I moved over six thousand kilometers away from the Misty Mountains was to get away from winter.  Now this very morning it is -17 out there.  What the hell is with that?  Really, no shit.  All I have to say about that is it better warm up quickly or else.   "Ha, or else what?" you ask.  Or else I will be very pissy about it, that's what. 

So this morning is quite a different story than yesterday's peace and quiet.  This morning the other half is up and already nailing things and banging around, asking questions, and most especially not laying in bed quietly dreaming about tractor and augers.  The hell hound is also adding to the havoc by eating toilet paper, chewing on shoes, and generally running around and being rambunctious.  The typical puppy behaviour which is not all that conducive to concentrating.  So perhaps I will call it a blog for now and take up later in the day when things have settled down a bit more. 

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Popping the Virgin Blogging Cherry

Hello one and all, or should I say one.  Today, right this moment is my very first foray into the world of blogging.  Yes you heard it correctly, I am a virgin blogger.  Which of course means that right after I save this blog and it goes out into the great big scary Internet Blogosphere then I will no longer be virginal, virgin like, a virgin blogger?  My metaphoric cherry will be popped.  I am assuming it will be a lot less painful than the first time around.  Um, ah, we won't go there okay.  I'm not planning on being that kind of a blogger. 

I feel like I should have something great to say, something profound, something which will not make me look like an absolute tool.  But alas at the moment I am quite without profound thoughts or observations.  What I do have is a moment of peace and quiet, where the hell hound is curled up and asleep dreaming about really great poop smells and laying where she shouldn't be, but hey, why disturb the beast now.  And the other half is curled up and asleep and dreaming of garage doors and siding.  And I am assuming that all of my little lovelies are fast asleep way the heck out west and dreaming about princess dresses, milk laden boobs, and dreams about children sleeping for many more hours.  I'm pretty sure they will know which dreams belong to who...whom? 

It is a winter's day here on the east side of the country, light fluffy snow is falling, the lake is frozen and the dawn is breaking.  I have my tea (which should be coffee, but for the moment I am off the bean) the fire has been stoked and I am eating a muffin.  What could be better?  Ah well besides that fact that it could be summer, the lake could be waving, and the windows and doors could be open to the wonderful breezes and bird song.  But besides that, things are pretty good. 

Yesterday the first of many appliances showed up.  So I now have a fridge which is clean, new and white.  And hopefully doesn't feel the need to randomly open its doors for hours on end trying to cool down the house.  The old fridge is yellow, moldy and somewhat disgusting, in other words, it matches the rest of the house.  The house I purchased this fall is circa Partridge Family and is in serious need of some TLC.  Which I am more than happy to do, given that my life has drastically changed in the last six months.  I have gone from working full time, managing a staff, and fighting to make sense of crazy changes, to trying to manage only my own life and new circumstances.  I have moved more than six thousand kilometers to the east coast of the country from a beautifully renovated house to one that has seen better days forty years ago.  I have gone from living smack dab in the middle of town with neighbours all the way around to a house which is smack dab in the middle of the boonies.  It is wonderful.  With only one neighbour, it is almost perfect.  (Well except for the forty different kinds of wallpaper, yellow appliances, green toilet and carpets which have grown their own civilisations over the years. 

The most amazing thing about it is that I have a life which is new and interesting and challenging in such different ways than my old one and I am thrilled about it.  I have new experiences to look forward to (which will be easier now that I don't have those pesky mountains blocking my way).  And I have time to try things which I have never tried before, do things which I have always wanted to do, and of course, worry incessantly about not having enough money to live on now that I don't have that stress filled, people filled career that had consumed so much of my life. 

So here I am laying bare my blogger-cherry for all the denizens of the electronic world to pop.  Hello, happy to meet you all!