Saturday, March 30, 2013


Today is day nine after having contracted the plague.  I was feeling pretty good when I first got up this morning but as the day progressed some serious shittiness settled in.  Now typically I am a pretty healthy person, in fact it has been years since I even had a cold, let alone something which knocked me right off my ass, and let me tell you, this certainly has done that.  (And continues to do it.) 

I actually do remember the last time I was as sick as this, it was during the Calgary Olympics in 1988.  That was when I ended up with bronchitis and laryngitis and told the doctor that I was too sick to go to the hospital.  I spent two solid weeks in bed (not in the hospital) and if things don't start getting a little better I may end up being out of commission for two weeks with this death...or whatever the frack it is. 

In fact I have been feeling so craptastic that I haven't even been able to write, not even for a minute.  So fingers crossed, knock on wood, and three Hail Marys to the fact that I am sitting here trying to put a word or two together because it probably means that I am looking back at the worst of it. 

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Waiting With Bated (Baited) Breath

Yuppers, we is in the waiting game now.  Apparently the snow is supposed to giver shit tonight and pile it on thick by tomorrow.  Yay us.  I am so hoping that this will be it for the snow this year.  Of course I have had places I needed to go for most of this winter and it had to be a serious pain in the ass for me.  Sigh.  A bloody conspiracy it is.  (Yoda told me that.) 

Me and the canine were walking mud puddles by the time we finished our walk this afternoon.  Her, because well let's face it, she is a disgusting dog.  And me, because well let's face it, because I went with a disgusting dog.  She managed to gallump all around me while spreading the joy of mud and other gunk.  Yesterday we ended in exactly the same situation and she spent the majority of the day tied to the door to dry out.  I tried hanging her out front in the sunnier spot but she was so tangled up under the deck that she was howling by the time I got out of the shower.  So today I tried Yee Oldde Bucket of Water on her and it worked so much better. 

Monday, March 18, 2013


I've been pretty busy these days trying to get writing done for class, writing done for group, and editing my novel that I have been seriously neglecting blogging about anything.  (I'm pretty sure that the electronic world gives a giant rat's ass about that.) I just finished doing some editing on said novel and starting the process on chapter six and seven and thought I had better stop for a minute and just writing more.  Haha. 

I believe winter is giving a last kick at the cat before spring pushes it out of the way.  This morning when I woke up it was -13 outside.  I KNOW.  Like holy-paloly what the hell is that?  The wind was just a howling too, so even though by the time I stepped out the door to go for my walk it was only -5 it was still cold.  But the sun was shining brightly, so in one direction it was pure winter, the other it was summer.  Tomorrow it is supposed to Tony the Tiger used to say...Greeeeaaaatttt (it really isn't).  So fingers and toes crossed...let spring sproing. 

Wednesday, March 13, 2013


Oh yes, today is another wet and dampish kind of day. Took the hell hound and hubby for a walk and squiggied through the mud and puddles.  Now I am trying to get my homework done, as well as spend some time on my novel.  My computer is acting up though and pissing me off.  When exactly don't computers act up and piss people off?  Those days are few and far between. 

I call on all computer gods to stop fucking around and allow me to keep my connection to the internet so I can Wiki and Google as needed while doing research for my book!  (Picture me here dancing around with feathers and raw spaghetti noodles hanging from my clothes while chanting to the computer gods.  NOT naked...I don't want to scare said gods away.) 

Sunday, March 10, 2013


This morning as I was getting ready to work on my homework and write an article for my next submission I got a good whiff of B.O., and where did that BO come from?  Oh that would be me.  Yikes.  Of course it is all due to the fact I had spent most of yesterday sweating up a storm.  Not because I was doing some serious working out, or serious work outside, but because I happen to be in that time of my life where every once in awhile I burst into flames from the inside out.  Genetically speaking I have a tendency to run on the warm side anyway, both parents were constantly heat generators, and I haven't fallen too far from that tree.  So add to my natural state a new and wholly unwelcome hormonal trippy thing my body temperature runs between really warm and middle of the sun hot. 

Anyway so here I am this morning all ready to write and I have to go and take a shower so I can handle hanging around myself.  This got me thinking about how effectively we as a society have been brainwashed against ourselves.  Think about it for a long do you figure people have been using antiperspirant?  Fifty years...sixty....seventy...even a hundred?  That isn't even a drip in the bucket of time that people have been on this planet.  So just a very short time ago people walked around smelling like...well people, not flowers, baby powder, spring rain, or riding lawn mower.  (Yes riding lawn mower is an actual scent that the people who sell mandles - man-candles - make.  And yeah, mandles, is another story.)  But here we are today being disgusted when we smell body odour on each other, and even ourselves.  Is it because it is so vile that we cannot stand to be in the same smell space as another human who smells like a human?  I think not.  In fact I remember when my dad used to come home from the bush smelling like camp fire, pipe tobacco, and yes, body odour, and thinking that he smelled wonderful.  The real reason we cannot tolerate the smell is because we have be programmed by the companies who make the stuff which covers it up.

We have also been programmed by the companies who make razors that hair anywhere on our body except our head is unsightly and gross.  I admit that I have been indoctrinated into that mind set as well. "Oh gross, she has long hair under her nylons."  Or, "Look she's hiding two hamsters under her arms."  I spend time trying to keep the eyebrow hair which escaped from my forehead and took up residence on my chin from taking permanent root.  I really don't want to start sporting a small goatee at this time of my life.  But had I been born a century prior to this I may have thought that it was cool, now I am getting to the crone stage of life.  Wise, wonderful, and not giving a flying fuck what anyone thinks about my appearance.

Things that humans have been taught/programmed to do/be/say/act like/eat/appear to be -

1. We smell bad so slap on some deodorant.
2. We're hairy buggers who look gross so scrape/pluck/rip/or burn that stuff off.
3. Our lungs are too pink so we need to suck in some burning weeds.  Plus it will make you look cool and don't worry about the side effects.
4. We've been walking around for a few million years now and got that down pat so we need to make it more challenging, especially for the females, so wedge a stick under the heels of the shoes and make everyone walk around on their tiptoes.  Plus it will make your ass look better. 
5. Our faces are blotchy and lacking in colour, so smear some coloured mud on.
6. OMG we are getting old, time to cut/snip/bleach/tighten/botox the shit out of your face so it is permanently set in a fake youthful stare.
7. Oh the humanity!  We have rolls, cellulite, pot bellies, jigglies, and extra chins...quick eat carbs only, now protein only, now only vegies, only fruit, no fruit at all, lots of eggs, no eggs, oils, no oils, drink lots of water, drink only urine, or juice, and jump up and down while you do it. 

Dirt Bags

Hubby and I went for a walk this morning and took the hell hound with us. As our walk progressed it began to warm up, the sun broke out about half way through, the road turned into a mud heap, and so did the dog.  She was like a walking mud puddle, but worse, because you aren't expected to bring the mud puddle into the house and let it walk around on your floors.  I left her tied up outside with the hopes that she would dry off while I went into the house and did some serious floor maintenance, and as these things happen just as I started vacuuming I ended up with visitors.  So the vacuum was put aside, tea was made, and I had a lovely long chat with some local ladies. 

Long story short, a few hours went by before I could start back into the cleaning mode.  The good news is that I actually got the floors vacuumed, and mopped, the bad news is that the dog hung out on the leash all day and when I finally got around to bringing her into the house she was still a walking mud puddle, still wet, and still mud from tip to tail.  And even worse, is that a good scrubbing with a towel did nothing to make her less muddy.  Sigh.  And of course the lake is still frozen over so it is not possible to have her go in and sluice around for a bit, plus the outside water is still turned off because it still occasionally drops below zero at night.  So my two options are, 1) throw her in the bathtub and wash her, or B) make her sleep on her bed to try and dry off.  I picked 2.  I am definitely not throwing the moose into the bathtub.  The way she loves the water I do not want to set a precedent.  I can just see getting into the shower and having the asshat decide to join me.  Ah no thanks, I already had a shepherd like that the first go around.  I ended up having to lock her out of the bathroom and listen to her howl while I took showers. 

Friday, March 8, 2013

Kids R Us

Great news, I just had another piece accepted for publication.  It is a short children's story and will be out in May.  Who'd a thunk it eh?  Me writing kiddie stories.  Although if I think about it I have in fact written several kid stories.  In fact I think there may be a tidy sum languishing in some writing book of mine somewhere.  (Probably in a box, in the basement.  That is my life these days...Oh yeah I have one of those, I think its in a box, in the basement. I am really looking forward to getting some shelving and cupboards built.)

Also good news is that I have sent the first chapter of my novel away to be critiqued by the writing group I now belong to.  Good thing I did because had I done one more edit on it I think it would have only been two words long - stuff happened.  So instead of butchering it yet again it has gone away for some comments to be flung at it. 

Oh and just a quick update on how much I hate the weather network this week.  All week long they have been telling me that it is going to be sunny on wasn't.  On wasn't.  On isn't.  Arrggghhhhh.  Quit getting my hopes up!!!!!!   Apparently it is supposed to be warm and sunny tomorrow, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.  All I have to say about that is that it had better be or else.  (Or else....I will once again rant I guess.) 

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I Say Good Day

 Many of you may have received the following email (or a close facsimile).

From Mr.Abbas Karim.
Burkina Faso.

Dear Friend,
Good day to you. I must say sorry for interfering into your privacy without seeking for permission. It's because of urgency of this matter. Firstly, I am Mr.Abbas Karim a lawyer and personal confidant to Abdullah Senussi who was the intelligence chief of Colonel Muammar Gaddafi. I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of ($39.5) million to your account within 14 banking days from a bank in Burkina Faso. This money belongs to my master Abdullah Senussi and was deposited in the bank on the name of his son. The urgent need for the transfer of this fund is to avoid confiscation by the Libyan government as they quest the seizure of every related assets belonging to Late Colonel Muammar Gaddafi and his aides. I am contacting you in a good faith so that the bank will release the money to you for safe keeping/investments till the release of my master who is now in custody.

So if you are capable of receiving this huge amount of money,let me have a positive response from you via return mail for more personal discussions on how we are going to go about it.


Mr.Abbas Karim.

When I was a work some days I could get up to ten or eleven of these.  Some told me that a distant relative died in a plane crash and left ten million dollars languishing in a bank in Nigeria, some said that they were the mother/wife/daughter of a recently deposed leader and were being held captive and just wanted me to take as much of the money as I wanted and donate the rest to charity.  While others wanted to get to know me and my family (those ones were creepy).  At one point I started keeping track of exactly how much money I would have if all those offers were real, it turned out that I would be a multi-billionaire within the year. 

But as time has been progressing, and more and more people finally get that these are scams, these emails have been slowing down.  It's sort of sad in a way.  It feels like an era is coming to an end.  Goodbye Mrs Momba-momba, see you later General Abdullah, adios Princess Saridini. 

But fear not, I'm pretty sure as I write this there are some talented crooks at work trying to come up with the next great scam. I just have to make sure that when I get it I will remember the old adage, if it seems to good to be true it probably is. 

Monday, March 4, 2013

Jail Break!

Lately I have been contemplating that idea of letting the cat out of the house.  Right now she is specifically a house cat.  There are a couple of reasons for that.  1) I read that cats are responsible for the deaths of 4 billion animals, including 500 million birds in the US alone.  And I cannot help but notice that the sounds of bird call has seriously been reduced since I was a child.  and 2) The vet said that cats only get leukemia from other cats when they get bit and scratched as they fight. 

But although I am okay with the cat staying in the house and stalking house flies and spiders, I also feel somewhat guilty whenever she makes an escape attempt when the doors are opened because I figure that she should have a little more freedom.  Of course she also does instantly make a run for a closet as soon as anyone opens one in the house.  And I definitely do NOT feel guilty about not locking her into the closets.