Pets aR'nt Us

I need someone to explain to me why exactly it is that I seem to require a German Shepherd in my life?  I mean really, what good are they?  They eat you out of house and home then fill your yard with all kinds of surprises.  When you finish vacuuming and washing your floors they immediately have to wander around with muddy feet and drooly toilet water.  They have uncontrollable urges to sniff every part of your pant leg as soon as you get dressed in the morning, walk back into the room, load the washing machine, or water your plants.  If there is a mud puddle anywhere within a ten kilometer radius they have to jump in and drink the water no matter how green/brown/purple or disgusting it is.  They also feel it is very, very important to pace, and pace, and pace until the hardwood floors are worn in a nice pattern. 

Yes I know I used to wax poetic about taking them for runs, or taking them for walks, but really I could also take a gold fish for a walk and it wouldn't be anywhere near as annoying.  For one thing a gold fish would be a lot more discerning about that type of water it wanted to throw itself in.  For another, I'm certain they wouldn't chase porcupines and skunks.  They also wouldn't make me put a leash on them and yell "heal" at the every five feet.  And don't even get me started about the dog hair intensive household I live in.  OCD and dog hair is NOT a good combination!

And then there is the cat.  Really what use are cats?  Mine is a fanatic about helping me make the bed.  Again, OCD + cat helping to make the bed = not a good combination.  Granted I am new to the whole cat in the house scenario so I am still getting used to having someone hide under the bed then jump out and attack my feet as I make the bed.  Or act like she is starving to death when I am cutting up olives.  Or no matter where she is, when I open a tub of yogurt she charges into the room then rubs herself against me so hard that my hair stands straight up into the air and I end up getting stuck to the wall because of all the static.  Then once she gets the yogurt she acts like I am something which accidentally got stuck to her fur in the litter box.  (Don't even get me started about having to keep a box for poop in the house!) 

Sigh....maybe I should put them up for adoption and go out and get myself one of them thar gold fishes.