Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Back To The Races

Whew!  We are finally back to being all by ourselves here at the ranch.  Our final house guests departed yesterday and I am puttering around putting things back into the type of order it is in when you aren't worried about intruding on your visitors personal space while they reside in your domicile.  Iron Bess and family did a little family reunion in memory of our recently departed matriarch.  She did not want to have a funeral, or any kind of fuss, so instead we took advantage of the fact that one of the nephews was spending a few days in the country which meant that if everyone showed up we would have a for real gathering of the entire family for at least 24 hours.  Amazingly enough it actually happened, I have proof, there are pictures and everything. 

It has been a busy, busy, busy, busy four weeks.  Preparing for, seemed to be almost busier than the actual gathering.  You know you have a great bunch of crazies in your family when even after a whirlwind of gathering, and eating, and picture taking, and eating, and drinking, and embracing, and eating you get all mushy and sad to see everyone leave.  Did I mention how wonderful, fantastic, and fabulous my family is?  Cuz they are. 

Well almost everyone, some of the newest members may need to be beat with the "Grow The Fuck Up" stick, and hard.  Okay, maybe not some, maybe its just the newest member.  There seems to be a direct correlation with people who tell you how useful they are, and how much they don't want to put you out, with how useless they are, and how much hassle they actually cause you.  For example, not once ever did any of my brothers, or families, say to me that they did not want to intrude.  No what they did instead was help cook, helped to clean up, asked if there was something they could do, helped with the kids, ran into town to get stuff, played games, cooked meals without any dramatics, did laundry, etc, etc.  No one ever said a word about the food, games, or activities we had planned unless they were, or were not, so inclined.  It was easy, smooth, no hassle, wonderful, and fabulous to have them around so we could all catch up.  What did the newest member do?  Well to begin with she skulked around acting like everyone had the plague and making people feel uncomfortable because she "did not want to intrude".  She also loudly proclaimed around 8000 times that she was a vegetarian and had special dietary needs that only highly trained chefs who only used organic foods which had all died naturally from old age in a loving environment surrounded by their family was capable of making a meal for her.  Well here's a news flash for you.  Chicken and turkey are not vegetables, they are meat!  AND it doesn't matter how loud you tell everyone that you consider them to be the vegetables of the ocean, mussels, clams, and scallops are living, breathing, animals.  So in the world of Iron Bess you are not in fact a vegetarian you are just a picky eater acting like a spoiled nine year old. 

When someone asks me if I would like a helping of brussel sprouts my typical reply is, "No thank you I do not like them," and then I don't eat them.  If someone asks me if I would like a glass of wine my answer is, "Ugh, no thank you, I despise wine," and then I do not drink it.  EVER.  I do not make up stories about how I find it morally reprehensible about consuming anything I do not like and then eat, or drink them while trying to justify it with the lamest reasoning.  Personally I do not care if a person is a vegetarian, vegan, carnivore, or someone who will only eat cheese and drink the urine of non-menstruating virgins, what I do have issues with is if I look in the dictionary under hypocrite and see their picture there.  Nuff said.  Maybe just one more word...arrrggghhhhhhh! 

Oh well, I guess it just can't be all sunshine and puppy dogs.  Every family needs Crazy Uncle Bob who lives in the basement and now we have ours.  So on goes catch up day, and clean up day.  That's if I can get the motivation to actually do anything.  I seem to be in a bit of a mental fugue, probably too many late nights and early mornings and not enough vegetables of the sea. 


  1. Zilla's Other HalfOctober 23, 2012 at 7:56 PM

    We were wondering.... Nuff said.

  2. Maybe you should have learned how to drink wine?!