Monday, June 4, 2012

Ma Kettle Meets City Shopper

After an hour and a half car ride to the city, we parked and I got out of the car -

Me: Arghhh...holy hell my hip is killing me. (Hobble, hobble, hobble.)

Hubby: You're walking like an old lady.  Does your hip hurt?

Me: What did I just say? I said 'holy hell my hip is killing me'."

Hubby: No you didn't.

Me: My Achilles is hurting, my knee is stiff, and my hip is killing me. Man running sure is good for you.

Hubby: Maybe it's from running.

Me: Why do I bother even saying anything, you never listen to a word I say.

Hubby: Did you say something?

Me: Smart ass.

The hubby and I did a quick trip into the big city today to pick up supplies at the General Store (aka Costco) as well as the hardware store.  Specifically we were looking for under-counter lighting, or is that under-cabinet lighting?  Either way we needed the lighting so that I could do some actual 'seeing' when I was cutting stuff up on the counter in the evenings.  After some hemming and hawing, as well as a quick consultation with the local expert we finally picked some LED lights which we hoped would do the trick.  Apparently they will last 50,000 hours, in other words I am pretty sure if all goes well once we install said lights that chances of having to replace them are zero to none.  Yay!  We found said lights at the hardware store for $80.00, yes that is what I said.  "Holy hell," is actually what I said.  But after a quick conference of the Old Shoes and Tea Society board of directors it was unanimously decided to go with the LED lights which should last until we see our great grandchildren getting married.  Or so we hope. 

We walked away from the hardware store much poorer than when we walked in but were happy with our decision, that is until we walked into Costco and found LED lights for $50.00 cheaper a package.  The vice president of the Old Shoes and Tea Society immediately made a decision on his own.  (Can you believe it?  I couldn't.  It is a first.)  He grabbed his keys and headed out the door to return the other lights.  I believe before taxes were involved we saved over one hundred and thirty dollars.  Yay us!

So there I was wandering around the General Store picking up items and gimping around like Ma Kettle with a stick shoved up her butt when I looked up and saw a woman in front of me doing much the same.  The big difference was that she was easily pushing three hundred and fifty pounds and wearing stilettos.  Now I am the last person on earth to disparage someone because of their size but stilettos?  That just isn't right.  What the hell goes through a person's head when they decide to go shopping in four inch spiked shoes on concrete?  It can't be good for people of normal weight let alone for someone who tips the needle over to full on the scale.  My heels, ankles, knees, hips, and back ached just looking at her.  Hmm, come to think of it my heels, ankles, knees, hips, and back ached when I wasn't looking at her as well.  Okay I had to do a quick calculation, being generous and saying that the stiletto heel touching the ground is actually a square inch, and rounding out my estimate of her weight at 350 pounds, that is 2,413,164.9 avoirdupois units, or pounds per square inch.  Holy shit on a stick Batman!  That woman is crazy!!!  I believe I will stick to my runners, that is plenty o' heel for this chickie-poo. 

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