Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Hicks in the City And Piss in the Puppy

Being February 1st, and a Tuesday, I decided that a trip to the city would be a good thing.  Not that I had a hankering to go to the city but because, tall, dark and brooding and I, are hicks living in the snowy sticks now, so we have decided to do the "buy in bulk thing" to try and reduce expenses by not running into town every forty five minutes.  So it was time for a Costco run.  What does February, and Tuesday, have to do with going to Costco you ask?  Well it’s all about this budgeting thingamajig I have devised.  Using my left over skills from my old life I fired up Excel one day and built a pretty spreadsheet with all these colours, and numbers, and formulas, and projections, and...well you get the idea.  It is a thing of beauty!  Evil but beautiful, because now it has taken on a personality of its own and it has become a sadist taking great joy at our pain and only allowing us a certain amount of dollars to spend in a month.  Bastard! So February being a new month my pretty chart reluctantly agreed that we could spend some money on items which we require. And Tuesday was actually more my decision because it is a day not near the weekend, the weekends of course is where the stores turn into the black hole of Calcutta, where little old ladies will run you over with their carts in order to beat you to the “free” cracker samples people at the end of the aisles. 

Well that was the plan anyway.  But apparently the end of the world is neigh because of some kind of approaching snowstorm so everyone and their dog was in town stocking up for the main event.  Either that or there was some kind of announcement suggesting to everyone that if they wanted to annoy the shit out of me they should immediately rush to the store and stand around in the middle of the freaking aisles leaving their carts parked diagonally so there was no way you could get around them while they pick their big fat noses!  I mean really people WTF? 

Speaking of everyone and their dog, guess who brought hers?  Yes puppy went on a long truck ride today and was stuck in the back seat sleeping all day.  Which meant that she didn’t get to go for her long walk, and instead had food and water to keep her strength up for the ride.  Do you know what happens to a puppy when they do not get to expend their energy as per usual?  Well I sure do!  You get home and they turn into Beelzebub.  When they are not busy running around knocking over everything they come into contact with they are busy chewing on anything they can sink their teeth into and usually that means your feet.  They also become intent on trying to kill you by getting between your feet so they can try to trip you with every step you take.  You know the saying that she’s full of piss and vinegar?  If piss and vinegar means doggy speeders, then yeah, she was full of it! 


  1. Well you're the one who thought it would be an EXCELLENT idea to get a puppy right away...you get what you wish for!!!

  2. Yes but in my defense I haven't had a puppy in almost 16 years. So, you know, the memory kinda goes after awhile, most especially when the last five years or so my last dog was kinda old and a lot less given to being part of a death squad.

  3. I must confess that I was a bit worried about how the truck was going to come out of that title without more puppy pee featuring in the story.