Saturday, February 26, 2011

I Am A Multi-Bazillionaire, All Bow To Me

It looks like something went wrong in my plan to win the lottery this time.  For the life of me I cannot understand what.  I thought I did everything right, a) decide to win the lottery, and b) buy a ticket.  I did both and it looks like it did not work.  How is that possible?

But all is not lost, because lucky for me I have been contacted by a banker in Nigeria who just happened to get my email and is trusting me because I am such a trust worthy person (probably because my email has such a trusting sounding name), and I believe god also led him to me, so for these very valid reasons he is willing to give me three million dollars.  Life is good when you are trust worthy.  I have also been contacted by a princess no less, she is being held by a wicked stepmother, her father who was the king of some country in Africa just died, leaving her 14 million dollars, half of which she is willing to give me if I help her get the rest.  Hmmm, this story sounds a little familiar to me, I wonder where I have heard it before?  Oh well, 7 million, woohoo.  Oh and of course there is the dead relative that died in a plane crash with his whole family, apparently there is about 20 million pounds sterling in the bank which I can have.  I could go on, but you get the drift.  I am a very lucky person when it comes to these kinds of windfalls.  So when all of these plans come to fruition, yours truly will be a multi-bazillionaire.  Now don't you wish you would have been nicer to me?

In the meantime I must continue on with the life that I have been living which means trying to think of a way to pull down walls without doing serious damage to...oh never mind, I can pull down walls until the cows come home because I don't have to worry about damaging anything.  Hey that is kind of like winning the lottery. 

Yesterday we had rain, rain, rain (noticed how I segued into a completely new topic without finishing the last one?  That is just the way my brain is working right now) then we had wind, wind, wind.  Today it was cold with more wind, well not cold as in "brrrrr its cold out there", it was more like "brrrr its colder than it has been for a few days".  The great thing about the rain is that it is really starting to beat the heck out of the snow.  And according to our neighbour only three more weeks and all the snow should be gone.  Now THAT is winning the lottery. 


  1. So does this mean I have to wait for my portion of the winnings. I really had my heart set on getting the hell out of the winter here. Unlike you and winning the snow disappearing lottery we just got another 30cm last night and now I have to go and shovel my front door snow drift for the 600th time this week. Oh wait it's the weekend...maybe I won't because it's not like I have any visitors coming and the mail lady isn't due here till Monday. I really would however like my portion of that Bazillionaire promise soon!

  2. Hey...I thought we had a deal? You fork over the big bucks and *we* help you out by not involving you in the complicated process of figuring out how the hell to spend it. Welcher!

    You better get cracking on those Nigerian-Princesses-who-died-in-a-plane-crash monies or we'll have to start pouting and stuff. Damn...that money was so close I could taste it. Now I'll have to go tell *her* it's not happening right away...she might just cry.

  3. If its any consolation, I did win a free ticket, so that means that we have to wait until next Friday to win the big bucks. So your patience will be required. See that wasn't so bad!

  4. Hey I just got another one...see below.

    My Dearest In The lord,

    Let me first of all inform you, I got your email address from a mail Directory and decided to mail you for a permission to go ahead. I am Mrs. Debra Ellis from Lithuania, married to Mr. Harry Ellis who worked with SASOL Petroleum in South Africa before he died in a ghastly motor accident on his way to a Board meeting. My Husband and me were married but without any children. Since his death I decided not to re-marry and presently I am 69 Years old.When my late husband was Alive he deposited the sum of $16.5M. (Sixteen Million Five Hundred Thousand U.S. Dollars) with a Security Company in South Africa.

    Presently this money is still with the Security Company and the management just Wrote me as the beneficiary to come forward to receive the money or rather Issue a letter of authority to somebody to receive it on my behalf. I am presently in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment Cancer of the lungs.I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only a few months to live so I think the best thing to do is to use the money for charity purposes.

    I want a person who is trustworthy that I will make the beneficiary of my late Husband's Fund deposited with the bank so that the person can get the money and utilize 60% of this money to fund churches, orphanages and widows around the world.
    As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact details of the Security Company. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will prove you as the new beneficiary of this fund.

    Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated here in and Keep this contact confidential till such a time this funds get to your Custody.This is to ensure that nothing jeopardizes my last wish on Earth.

    I await your urgent reply.

    May almighty God bless you and your family.


    See another one directed to me by god. I am just so blessed.