Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Life As A Writer Who Is Human

Exciting news for old Iron Bess today, I've been asked to become a regular writer for a really cool site about the human experience, it is called Life As A Human.  Here is a link to my very first article for the site - http://lifeasahuman.com/2012/relationships/family/dads-are-supposed-to-know-what-they-are-doing-right/  It is a story, or more like a character study of my father.  If you read it you will know where I get a lot of my crazy from. 

Speaking of crazy...today's weather report is all about crazy, blowing wind, blowing water, and raining canines and felines out there today.  I spent the morning taking the shortest, and poopiest of the Poop Brigade to gymnastics this morning, so mother and daughter could go and enjoy the least poopiest in her very first Xmas concert.  The cuteness quotient was wayyyyyyy up there.  I've only seen a couple of seconds of the video clip, and as all performances of three and four year old children are, it was seriously an awwwwwwww moment. 

Meanwhile a bit across town I spent a couple of hours with the youngest, having an hour to kill and not wanting him to be stuck strapped in a car seat and watching a mind numbingly boring children's show on the DVD player I opted to take him to the mall.  Good call on my part!  Almost every single store was still closed up so I allowed, His Shortness, free rein to run up and down the hallways, climb on cars, trains, helicopters, motorcycles, and horses placed strategically around the mall to attract small children types and to separate the money from the wallets of parents and other guardians.  I opted not to put a loonie in the slots (good thing otherwise I would have had to immediately start a full time job to subsidize the outing) but he seemed to enjoy it nonetheless.  Then we went to gymnastics where there were only two other tiny humans who showed up.  After charging around for a full ten minutes and falling approximately four thousand times His Shortness was ready for some serious instructions from the coach.

Coaching consisted of approximately three nanoseconds of attempting to get the wee ones to do something.   That was not happening, not at least without direct intervention from the guardians.  I managed to get my creature to crawl through a tunnel, crawl under a balance beam, and then pretend to hang on two rings which were held up by a piece of rope each.  High tech this place is not.  Then he got bored and spent most of the rest of the time trying to get to the only two places in the entire room where, a) he was not supposed to go, and b) where he could potentially hurt himself because they weren't covered in six inches of foam.  The other parental units spent most of their time lounging on thick pieces of foam and yelling instructions at their small humans who ignored them completely.

Fun times.   


  1. So what you're saying is I might not be getting my money's worth out of gymnastics??

  2. CONGRATS on Life As A Human!! Now when people ask what my parents do I can say my mom is a writer for a cool online Magazine!! Woot Woot!!

    1. As apprised to, she spends her time with her chainsaw and her dog, wandering around looking for trees to murder.