Bummed

I'm having some serious issues today. 

Writing is something I enjoy.  I love getting an idea and then putting it down on paper, and then making tweaks and changes until it makes sense.  But I realized today that I have some serious issues in terms of over writing, grammar, commas, and the fact that things are so competitive out in the world of publishing that there is a very good chance that no one will want to even consider my book because I suck so bad. And my serious issues with commas and the fact I can no longer remember how to properly write a sentence.  And I keep over thinking commas.  And the fact that I keep starting all my sentences with and.  Now I'm starting and finishing them with and.  It's sad really...or is it, its.  I don't know because I suck. 

So I guess I suck.  Which sucks.  A big sucky, suck.  Suck rhymes with another word that starts with an F and I want to use it a lot.  But I won't because I suck so much.  And it would be really great if I could have a great, big, giant rum and pepsi this second.  But I can't because I'm doing this thing to try and fix a tummy problem that I have going on right now.  Of course I started my remedy less than a month ago and I'd like to go two months on my self imposed regime...which puts me not having a drink over the holidays, and if I remember correctly last xmas I also had something going on where I wasn't having a drink.  So how is a person supposed to develop a drinking problem when she keeps not drinking?  Aren't the best writers supposedly drug addicts and alcoholics?  And just watch, the minute I tell myself that I can now have a drink I'll be all, "meh, I don't feel like having one."  Maybe that's why I suck.  Perhaps I should start self flagellation...yay-no...that sounds a lot less fun than having a rum and pepsi. 

Plus, when I got home today I noticed that one of the birds were missing and went looking for it after lunch.  We found her/him/it had been someone's breakfast.  But whatever killed it didn't eat too much.  Just gnawed on the breast a bit.  Very sad.  The worst thing is that guineas are not birds that like to be confined, if you try they just beat the ever living shit out of each other.  Plus the fact that the whole point is to make sure that they eat as many ticks as possible so you have to let them roam free and wide.  The shitty thing is if it keeps up like this we won't have any left by next spring.  We may not even have any left by the end of the month.  I only wanted to get another six to raise so I had 12 come the summer...  Grr...it all sucks.

Okay, I'll quit saying suck now...just one more time.  SUCK!