Monday, November 5, 2012

I'm An Earthling

I’ve decided on a title for a new book; Women Are From Earth, Men Are From Penis.  Seeing as I haven’t been able to come up with even a working title for the book I’m writing I thought if I came up with a title before I started my next one it would work out better. 
So here’s the premise, men come from the planet Penis.  They call themselves Dickwadians, well maybe it’s just the women that call them that, and instead of living in communities they live in penile colonies.  They call their moon Beaver, and fly in phallic shaped rockets and try to land them in the deepest hole where they try to mine for gems but actually just end up daydreaming all day.  The hubby thinks it is a kickass idea.  His exact words were, “That’s about as close to man’s psyche as you can get.” 

The hubby has featured on and off in this blog and I think I have to come up with a better name for him then “the hubby”.  Me thinks that he needs a pirate name.  A good one.  Like Iron Bess’s Man, or Sid the Parrotless, or Frownin Fred, or No Neck Nick.  I think I will try out a few and see how it rolls off the tongue, or the fingers, so to speak.   

So Frownin Fred went out hunting this morning.  Hunting here means sitting in a “blind” (see Bunch of crap leaning against a tree) and waiting quietly, and still, for an unsuspecting Bambi to wander by.  Ha-ha-ha!  If I know one thing about No Neck Nick staying still is not in his vocabulary, his genes, or his jeans.  This is the guy who will work himself to death, whine, snivel, and bitch about it, then when he has about four hours of rest immediately becomes restless and has to go out and build his self a gee-rage, or pour a concrete floor.  I’m thinking that Bambi may possibly be safe this year.  I’m sure he is out there right this minute dreaming of the days in the mountains when he could wander around the bush looking for game.  Sitting there must be killing him.  Poor Sid the Parrotless. 



  1. I think Frowning Fred is working best thus far. Or you could do what "he" does with me and just have "he", "him" etc in quotes. We're told it makes me more fierce seeming. Cool. :P

    1. ZoH - fierce? It does make you sound like you are in charge, then again you are so it all works eh.

  2. Hey Bess, loving every post, you could be any number of women I know and love. Really, any one of them. "The Hubby" worked fine for me but make the changes you need to, to describe your own life. I'm 57, lesbian, living with my beloved of more than twenty years (we know the date, not the year). I love your blog and check in often, Kitpu Estate, fine enough place for me to read and enjoy. Thanks.

    1. Ah Laur there you are. I wasn't sure if Sandy washed you away in her wake. I am glad to see that at least your power is on. Well at least enough that your are reading about the wild adventures here at Kitpu Estates. LOL. Anyway glad to hear that you are doing fine.

      Twenty years, wow, congrats! These days making it past five years is a huge accomplishment. Hubby and I are working on 33 this year. (We got hitched very, very young. I think I still had eggshell stuck to my ass.)

      My best friend and her wife have just celebrated their first year wedding anniversary. It is a May/November relationship - but May is closer to March, if you know what I mean. But they seem happy and that is all that counts, well that and making sure they keep in touch with me.

      Number one daughter just celebrated her tenth with her hubby. Shyza it makes my head swim thinking of all those high numbers. That doesn't make me old does it? No,not old, I am just acquiring reason, experience, and mellowing into a fine wine. Yeah, tell that to my aching heels.