Posting R Us

Hubby, or a.k.a., Frownin Fred is outside with a metal detector looking for a lost clip in the leaf covered grass.  Today is probably the first time ever in the history of our union where Frownin Fred did not accuse me of stealing, losing, or throwing away his lost item.  And the only reason he isn't accusing me of this dastardly deed is because the probability of me even having seen it in the past 20 years is so low that Fred hasn't got it in him to drag me into the interrogation room and question me under the bright lights.  I'm not quite sure how this works in his mind but whenever something goes missing around these here parts Frownin Fred immediately jumps to the conclusion that it was my doing. 

Hubby - I can't find my truck keys what did you do with them?

Me - I haven't touched your keys.

Hubby - Well they aren't where I always put them so consequently it is your fault. 

Me - Have you looked in your hands?

Hubby - Oh.  Here they are. 

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Hubby - What did you do with my fluxmegatron it isn't where I thought I left it?

Me - What is a fluxmegatron, and what do you use it for?

Hubby - (rolling his eyes) Obviously you use it to fark a waichmat before tightening the loobesque shot.  Don't you remember I used to use it all the time when Billy Bob Joe Dunce used to get his loobesque hooked in the bean grinder. 

Me - No. What does it look like.

Hubby - (rolling his eyes) Its round on one side and grey on the other and makes little ping, ping noises. 

Me - Oh that thing, I used it to clip the cat's claws. 

Hubby - Don't be a smart ass. 

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He ALWAYS  accuses me of taking his stuff, 98.5% of the time not only do I not take it but I haven't got a freakin clue what the hell he is looking for.  Typically I don't have those kinds of problems with my stuff because I do this really weird freaky thing when I use it, I put it back where I got it from.

I'm not really sure why he thinks I lose his stuff because I do the same freaky thing after using his crap as well.  Perhaps he thinks if he accuses me then I will get annoyed and start looking for it.  Of course that makes sense because typically I will find it because I look like a girl, and he looks like a boy.  Meaning I actually move shit around and look over, behind, under, beside, and on things.  Boys usually allow their gaze to sweep across the room before announcing loudly that it isn't anywhere in the room.  You're standing on it.  Sigh.