Sunday, November 4, 2012

Bess Contemplates Bizarro-Land

I was reading an article earlier this week about a police officer who was turned into the authorities by his estranged wife for planning on abducting, raping, torturing, killing and then eating a bunch of women.  He claims that it was just a fantasy and he wasn't going to act on it but when they seized his computer he had plans laid out, he had used the police records to obtain information about specific women, and he had lists of what he would need to carry out his "fantasy". And the article goes onto to say that there are a community of people on the Internet with those same desires.  A) What the hell kind of fantasy is that?  and 2) I have this theory about why people are so monumentally fucked up these days.  It is because we happen to live in the land of milk and honey.  Well not exactly milk seeing as there are a limited amount of cows wandering around our streets, and honey, well the bees may not be so thrilled knowing that we can eat whatever the hell we want, including each other, and somehow we are coveting their hard worked for supply of food.  And besides why is milk and honey so great anyway?  Why isn't the saying "the land of burgers and iPhones" or "coffee and cake"?  Hmmm, coffee and cake. Yum. 

Where was I again?  Oh yeah fucked up.  Okay so for millions of years mankind wandered around the planet hiding from almost everything (because we haven't exactly been endowed with the best defensive attributes) and looking under rocks for food.  Burger King was when we would stumble on a saber tooth's kill and manage to rip off a chunk of mammoth without becoming dessert.  Heat was huddling together in damp caves, and washing was when someone accidentally fell into the river and made it out without drowning.  So pretty much everyone spent all of their days skulking, stealing, and shivering, this left little time to be an asshole.  Flash forward a few millennium and you have kids who's one job may be to take out the garbage, or load the dishwasher, grown ups who go to work and stare at a computer screen all day, or put widget A into slot B, and you can see how things can go a little sideways.  People are bored and have too much time to indulge in all their bizarro-land fantasies.  Then other people realize that they could make a lot of money by developing games about this weird shit...and the cycle gets worse. 

It is pretty obvious to me how to fix the world's problems.  Scientists need to figure out how to bring back mammoths and saber tooth tigers.  Then instead of guns they could give everyone a spear, put them into a cave, and stripped down to their boxers.  Then poof, no more time to dream about chewing on someone's leg, coveting your neighbour's new car, or being bored on the couch.  People would have to band together for protection so the majority would have a chance at survival.  Pretty quickly the whiners who do not want to work together, or contribute so everyone has decent health care would be kicked out of the community and left as fodder for the beast. 

Well I'm off to fire up my little chainsaw to buck up some wood that got blowed down in the winds.  And I'm pretty sure while I am doing that I will be concentrating on the fact that my back is sore, my arms are aching, and how much this work will help heat Kitpu Estates next winter.  Not once will I be wondering how tasty the hubby's rump roast would be. 

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